


A series of sexual events

by KingsleyVonWoofers



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Creampie, Drunk Sex, F/M, Hospital Sex, Non-Consensual Blow Jobs, Riding, Semi-Public Sex, Stair Sex, Table Sex, Very Sexual, alcohol use, disguises, forced blow jobs, knife threats, pet kink, reader is also 24, reader is female
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:00:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 8,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26991031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingsleyVonWoofers/pseuds/KingsleyVonWoofers
Summary: There's a scenario for each of Olaf's disguises (except for the Jacques & Kit ones) that get very sexual with the reader. I dunno, I've been obsessed with Olaf lately. Some chapters will be short & I'm not gonna shy away from foul language this time. Disguises are NOT their own character here.
Relationships: Count Olaf (A Series of Unfortunate Events)/Reader
Kudos: 15





	1. It's the count!

You had been living with Olaf for a year now as his housemaid & had developed a crush on him. Sure, he was unkempt, but he was very charming & had the most beautiful blue eyes you've ever seen. You didn't want to admit to him, so you kept to yourself.

One day, he told you to make his bed. You went in there, this being your first time in his room, & were overthrown by his scent. Stale cologne & wine filled your senses, making you feel weak. You couldn't help but to masturbate. You were so lost in pleasure, you didn't hear the footsteps coming towards the room. The door opened & you barely had time to react. Olaf caught you with your hand in your pants.

"Why were you.... in MY room?!" he was clearly baffled. You struggled to straighten yourself up & accidentally admitted to being in love with him. You mentally slapped yourself & looked up at Olaf again.

"I'll leave-" you were cut off by his rough lips pressing against yours. He seemed like he might've been happy about your confession, especially since he was getting hard.

"Oh, (y/n), you have no idea how long I've wanted to hear that. I didn't say anything because I thought you'd leave me." he said as he pushed you onto his bed. He took your clothes off & then took his own clothes off.

You were speechless when you saw how big he was. He merely comforted you as he buried himself balls deep inside you. He was NOT gonna start out slow, his thrusts already shook the bed. It came as no surprise when you were already about to reach your climax. When you released, Olaf said something that you'd never thought he'd say.

"Fuck! Oh, I'm gonna cum hard! You take my cock so perfectly!" he cried as he finally stopped & filled you up with his seed. Before he pulled out, there was already cum dripping down your vagina. You felt amazing, catching your breath before grasping his cock.

"Round 2?" you teased &, let's just say, you didn't walk very well the next day.


	2. Anything but Stephano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the non-con chapters & there's also death threats.

When you learned that the Baudelaire children were at Monty's house, you absolutely had to visit. You used to be their babysitter & remember when Violet & Klaus were toddlers. You've never met Sunny, so there'd be something exciting to look forward to. You knocked on the door, eager to see the children & your old friend since you went to high school with Monty.

A bald man with a beard & piercing blue eyes opened the door, eyeing you. You didn't know who he was, but figured he might be a guest. There was something off about him, though.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Montgomery Montgomery's assistant. My name is Stephano." he said in a weird accent. He seemed to not be able to stop eyeing you up & down. He was definitely checking you out, which made you uncomfortable.

"Hi, Stephano. I'm (y/n), I went to high school with Monty & I was also the Baudelaires' babysitter." you said, trying not to sound disturbed. Stephano's eyes widened when you mentioned your name. How could he recognize you?

He quickly pulled you inside, taking you upstairs to the room he was staying in. You felt confused until he turned around with an evil smirk on his face. He held you close, getting an erection somehow. You didn't know what his problem was until he spoke without the accent.

"Long time no see, dear. My, you've grown. I notice you have bigger tits now." you recognized that sadistic voice anywhere. The memories came flooding back, bringing disgust with them.

"Olaf?! I told you I'd never be yours. Plus, you tried to kill my family!" you remembered his rudeness before his creepiness, back when he'd spy on you taking a shower & masturbate while standing right outside the shower curtain.

"Sweetie, you're not still mad at me, are you?" he made a pouty face. You shoved him away & walked towards the door, but he came running up behind you. He turned you around before you could open the door & put a knife to your throat.

You began shaking in fear, trapped like a fish in a net. He leaned down & forced his tongue into your mouth, making you squirm. He tasted like dry pot stickers & old wine. He pulled back after a bit, making you gasp for air.

"I've loved you for so long & this is how I get treated after 8 years? Come on, I found a better use for your mouth." he said as he undid his pants. He was already very hard & precum was coming out of the tip.

He forced you down on your knees, using the knife to scare you into submission. He pressed his penis against your lips, putting the knife to your throat when you refused. You gave in, crying because of fear. He groaned as you sucked lightly on the tip, tasting his disgusting precum. You barely had time to gag at the taste when his other hand held you in place as he shoved himself deeper.

"Yeah, take it. Take it down your throat if you can & run your tongue over my balls. Oh, (y/n), I'm gonna fuck your face so hard." he moaned as his cock went deeper into your throat. Your tears fell down your face due to pain & emotional trauma.

Suddenly, he buried himself in your throat entirely, making your nose press against his pubic hair. His cum tasted gross, but he forced you to swallow it all. You coughed when he pulled out, taking notice on how much cum was on your face.

"You gross bastard." You almost yelled. Olaf only laughed as he stroked himself again & put himself in your mouth once more. You weren't getting out of this mess anytime soon.


	3. Ahoy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is gonna be a very romantic one.

You had been Count Olaf's best & only true friend many years ago, but then he just disappeared from your life. You never got the chance to tell him you loved him, now he's gone. You were now the owner of a tackle bait store near Lake Lachrymose, selling live bait to fishers. Today, however, sales were low because of hurricane Herman. You were getting ready to close your store, cleaning the checkout counter which was always the second to last thing you did, when the door opened. You looked up to see a captain with an oddly familiar face.

"Hello, ma'am. I was coming in to buy a little bait to lure the leeches to the opposite side of the lake. You know, for the safety of others before the hurricane hits." he said in an accent that sounded fake. You went to your earthworm section & picked out a few big ones before returning to the counter.

"Since we're talking about the leeches, I figured you wouldn't need much. There are 3 large earthworms in here, small orders usually come with 15. That being said, they're free. I won't make you pay for them." you said in a kind tone.

"Your voice sounds familiar, ma'am." he said as he reached for the container you put the worms in. That's when your hands brushed against each other, making you gasp. You recognize the silky skin, looking into his eyes to see if it could be. His eyes were a beautiful icy blue, a certain pair you'd recognize anywhere.

"Olaf?" you said, your voice becoming thick with emotion & hope. He looked at you, confused & a tad nervous.

"N-no, I'm Captain Sham." he replied, his accent getting scratchy due to nervousness. You caught the very small voice crack & knew exactly who he was.

"Olaf, it's me, (y/n)." you were on the verge of tears as you recognized your love after all these years. His eyes widened with shock, he recognized you too.

"(Y/n)! Oh it's so good to see you again! I thought I'd never get to be anywhere near you again!" he was nearly crying now. You practically jumped over the counter, into his arms.

Not wanting to hide anymore, you confessed your love, hoping you didn't mess up. To your surprise & delight, he kissed you passionately. You had missed each other so much, you wanted to stay with him forever. After getting more passionate, he moaned a little as your leg pressed up against his erection.

"Olaf, do you want to-" you couldn't finish your sentence before you both started undressing your lower halves. He kissed you again as he spread your legs & gently slid into you. It hurt at first, but it quickly became enjoyable.

You never thought you'd ever be able to make love to Olaf, let alone have sex on a counter. Your virgin walls finally contracted around him as your orgasm hit, milking him in the process.

"So warm.... so tight... AH~!" Olaf cried out as he released, filling you up. He remained in you for a while, pumping every last little drop of his cum into you. It started leaking a bit &, when he was finally done, the counter beneath you was wet. He pulled out, causing the excess to dribble down the counter, making the tiniest puddle at the bottom.

"Oh, Olaf. I've waited so long for this. I love you so much." you said as you drifted off to sleep, your energy completely gone. Olaf made sure you were comfortable, making a makeshift bed using your store's large rug. He slept next to you the whole time, keeping you safe as Herman hit land.


	4. Hypnotic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shirley isn't who she seems, she's not even a woman.

You were one of the only people in the lumber mill who showed kindness to the Baudelaire children. When Klaus was tripped, his glasses shattered. You offered to take him to Georgina Orwell, the optometrist. When you entered the office, you saw Georgina talking to her new receptionist, Shirley St. Ives. There was something off about her.

"Hello. Klaus' glasses got shattered." you said. Georgina took Klaus upstairs to the exam room & noticed Shirley smirked at the news. You decided to try & converse with her.

"Well, hello little lady." she said. You managed to make small talk & then accidentally told her how you thought she looked masculine. She glared at you, but then smirked.

That's when you noticed those icy eyes. This was NOT Shirley St. Ives, this wasn't even a woman. This was Count Olaf, the man who kept chasing down the Baudelaires. You didn't know why, but you thought this psychopath was hella cute.

"Holy shit, you're Count Olaf!" you almost yelled. He seemed impressed by your identification skills. He did, however, threaten to destroy you since you knew his true identity.

"I promise I won't tell anyone... if you let me make out with you." you said as you got closer to his face. He sat down on a chair & pulled you into his lap, kissing you in order to keep his identity a secret.

You couldn't help but grind on him a little, making him moan into the kiss. He started getting an erection & raised his dress to pull down his underwear. You really wanted him inside you, so you started pulling your pants down. To your surprise, he took your underwear off.

You cringed as he set you down onto his phallus, the girth stretching you. Olaf kissed you again, sliding his smooth tongue into your mouth. You put your arms around his neck to deepen the kiss, enjoying every second of the intimacy.

"Sweetie, why don't you ride me? Set your own pace, dear." he chuckled when your hips started bucking. You put your hands on his chest as his grip on your hips loosened. You started bringing yourself up & down on him, moaning each time.

Eventually, you sped up & reached your climax, squeezing his penis tightly. He moaned rather loudly & shoved your hips downwards. You nearly screamed when his cum filled you up.

"Oh, so warm." he groaned. After all that was done, you cleaned up & put your clothes back on. He kissed you one last time before Georgina came back downstairs with Klaus. You walked Klaus back to the lumber mill & never said a word about your relationship with Olaf.


	5. Heat in heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Carmelita rules the school, you, her rival, have every boy wrapped around your finger. Including the new coach, who takes extra interest in you.

You usually looked a bit slutty, wearing very short skirts & tops that exposed your shoulders, chest, & collarbone. But, you had a condition where any tight clothing would cause your body to heat up rapidly, causing you to have a heat rash & a stroke. So, no one could ACTUALLY judge you for dressing the way you did. However, you'd gain popularity with guys & others who were concerned for your condition. This made you a rival in Carmelita's eyes, for some reason.

One day, there was a new coach at the school. You sat with the Baudelaires as you waited to meet the coach. You started getting very hot since you were sharing the body heat between others, so you decided to take off your socks. As you were, you didn't know the coach had appeared & took notice of you.

"Well, missy, you seem to not like new people. Or are you trying to distract yourself?" the coach had walked up to you. Nervous about your condition, you started to sweat profusely.

"She has a condition where she gets very hot easily & it could give her a heat rash, or worse, a stroke." Violet intervened. You were relieved when it seemed like the coach had a bit of sympathy in his icy blue eyes.

"Well, sorry for the misunderstanding. I'm coach Genghis, if you didn't hear. What's your name?" he replied in a calmer voice. He seemed very nice to you, but the looks on your friends' faces told you otherwise.

"I'm (y/n)." you said in a shy tone. Genghis nodded his head in greeting before going back to whatever he was doing.

*timeskip~

You offered to cover for the Baudelaires one night. Genghis had them run in circles every night which left them sore & exhausted. They objected at first, but gave up after they found out that you weren't gonna take no for an answer. You, unbeknownst to everyone, had to take your underwear off because of your condition. If you bent over, everyone would see your goods, so you had to be careful.

"Keep it up, you're almost done, dear." Genghis called out. For the past few days, he took a liking to you, so he's been calling you "dear" & "sweetie" from time to time. You continued running when you felt like you needed to take a break. You were about to collapse because of the heat. Genghis' friend was told to get you some ice, so now you were the only ones out here.

Not thinking, you bent over to put your hands on your knees. You were snapped back to reality by Genghis choking on his coffee. That's when you realized that the coach got a view of your butt & vagina. You tried to cover yourself up, but were beckoned by your coach. You sat down beside him, your face pure crimson.

"My my, dear. I didn't think your condition would get THAT bad. You must feel embarrassed, you poor thing. Here, I won't judge you, take the rest of your clothes off." he suggested. You blushed even more, but were relieved that you were granted permission to feel the cool air against your full body.

"You're beautiful." he smiled. You were shocked at his words, especially when he started to run his cold fingers over your thigh. You couldn't help but to lean into his touch. You looked into each other's eyes before kissing.

He ran his hands all over your body while you undid his pants. You eventually took off his turbin & were met with the shocking view of who he really was. This was Count Olaf, the man who's been chasing the Baudelaires.

"Y-you're Olaf!" you said. He kissed you again to silence your panic, bringing you into his lap. He looked into your eyes, hurt clouding his.

"Please don't tell anyone, sweetheart." he nearly whimpered. He seemed genuinely hurt by the possibility of you snitching on him, he was so in love with you. You promised him that you'd never tell a soul if he didn't tell anyone about you accidentally showing him your nether regions.

He smiled, agreeing to your request. He slid his phallus into you, beginning the process of love making. You moaned softly as he pushed all the way in, grunting at your tightness. He made sure to whack it whenever you got too hot in order to keep his orgasm building.

"Olaf." you whispered when you finally climaxed. He groaned, stiffening under the pressure. Eventually, he released inside you, filling you up perfectly. Not too much, not a tiny amount. It felt amazing, but you felt sleepy.

Olaf was quick to redress, looking as if nothing happened. He helped you redress as quickly as he could. After a few minutes, your bag of ice was brought to you. You felt better & fell asleep on Olaf's shoulder, smiling in your sleep.


	6. Bananas ARE in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're Esmè's sister, but never met face to face with her acting coach. You've seen him, but are a stranger to him. But not for long.

Having to live in a penthouse suite was rather fancy, especially since your sister, Esmè, put together the decor. She always had an eye for what was "in" & what was "out". However, she let you add some decor since you specialized in exotic luxury. It wasn't very often, but she always seemed happy with the results.

One day, Esmè was granted custody of the Baudelaire orphans. You kept up with the news & had a feeling that Count Olaf, your sister's acting coach, wasn't gonna be far. He wasn't, he disguised himself as a German auctioneer named Gunther. You were slightly jealous of the way he treated your sister.

He'd always hang around her & constantly complimented her. You felt a little better, though, when Esmè introduced him to you. He, in his fake accent, complimented your looks, calling you a rather cute lady.

"She also has this amazing taste in exotic luxury. She put together some of the decor in here. Including the Bohemian wedding flowers on the balcony." she said. You smiled at the compliment, glad to know she really liked the flowers which included both purple & red orchids.

"I see, very lovely indeed. Apparently fashion & pretty physical features are common in your family." he replied. You giggled & thanked him for his kind words before he went elsewhere with your sister. You were definitely getting jealous, he was absolutely hella fucking charming.

Later that day, you were just standing at the top of the stairs, gazing down its seemingly endless spiral. Esmè was getting ready to go to a restaurant with the Baudelaires, Jerome, & Olaf. You didn't wanna go because it's close to time for you to water the flowers & pick off the dead ones in order to keep the decor looking perfect.

Suddenly, the door opens & you hear footsteps. You figured they were already heading out, which was odd because you figured they'd still be getting ready. But, only one pair of footsteps were heard & they were coming closer to you. You turned around to see Olaf.

"Hello, (y/n). I really wish you'd come with us. It'll be boring without you." he said without his accent. You just shrugged at his words, feeling as if he only didn't want you to be left out. But, tending to the flowers would take time, & they were already late. Your sister loved being a bit late, stating that's why they say "fashionably late".

"Esmè likes arriving 5 to 7 minutes late anywhere. Tending to the flower decor would take 15 or more minutes. Then you'd be VERY late." you explained. He walked up beside you & smiled slightly.

"That's a shame, I certainly will miss you. You know, you're much cuter than your sister." he said as he put a hand on your shoulder. You blushed, shocked that he would say something like that.

"If Esmè heard you say that, she'd hit you." you quickly stated. He only chuckled before placing a kiss on your cheek. Your blush deepened, feeling as if you were falling in love.

"Esmè told me that you'd be leaving early in the morning to go to work. Can I have something to remember you?" he teased. You felt his hand slide down your hip & grasp your ass. You quietly moaned, getting aroused since no one had ever even dated you before because you're usually so busy. Olaf laughed even more as he undid your pants, kissing your neck in the process.

You let him, silently moaning his name when he pulled your underwear down. You then heard him undo his own pants. Reaching back, you got to feel his dick. It was huge & you suddenly spread your legs, eager for him to fuck you. Bracing yourself on the railing, you both moan as he penetrated you from behind. You were already so wet, making sex easier.

"You're huge, Olaf. I didn't think my virginity would be taken by a sexy beast." you whined out. He kissed you on the lips before thrusting harder. You really hoped no one heard the faint echo of skin slapping & moaning as he brought you closer to climax.

Eventually, your walls tightened around him, making you struggle to silence your loud moans. Olaf wasn't far behind, releasing mere seconds later. His cum stayed in you as he buried his phallus snug inside you.

"They're still gonna be a while before they get completely ready. Wanna do it again?" you asked. He nodded, thrusting again into your soaked cunt. You felt amazing, loving the intimacy of your sister's acting coach inside you. You both climaxed at the same time, making his cum drip from you.

"I definitely look forward to seeing you again, my love." he whispered in your ear before redressing the both of you. You felt exhausted, so you figured a tiny nap before tending to the flowers wouldn't hurt.


	7. Investigate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You help the "detective" discover something else.

You lived outside the village of fowl devotees, but occasionally visited due to loving to socialize. The council of elders didn't approve of your lifestyle, but understood that you were only ever a visitor.

You had read about Count Olaf in the papers & absolutely fell in love with the infamous criminal. Sure, he was the king of assholes, but he had an unusual amount of charisma. You were also not easy to fool, so his disguises may be more obvious to you than others, but not as obvious as it would be to the Baudelaires.

One day, when you went to visit the village, there seemed to be a new "detective" in town. You could tell it was Olaf when he spoke in his normal voice. You decided to walk into the abandoned bar where he stayed, instantly being greeted by his fake character.

"Sorry if you wanted a drink, there's nothing here, lady. Not even a bartender." he said in that horrible voice. You merely giggled & walked up to him. He was standing behind the bar, puzzled by you sitting on the counter near where he was. You took off his sunglasses & smirked.

"Don't play dumb with me, Olaf, I know it's you." you winked mischievously. He seemed to get defensive about your knowledge of his true identity. He held you down to the counter, glaring at you. You just simply chuckled lightly.

"Why are you laughing? You're about to DIE." he growled. You put your hand on the one he had on your throat & gently lifted it to your lips. Placing a kiss on his knuckles, you watched as his expression went from angry to confused.

"You're rather stunning, Olaf. I'm jealous of Esmè because she's dating you." your words seemed to make Olaf release you entirely, backing up in the process. With confusion in his eyes & lust in yours, you got off the counter & walked up to him.

You managed to corner him against the wall, running your hands over his chest. You practically drank in his scent, finding an odd combination of ash, cheap cologne, parsley, champagne, & a dirty car. You loved the variety of smells, leaning into his chest to take more in.

"I promise I won't tell anyone, dear. In fact, I'll pretend I never even met you... if you let me suck your dick." you said in a quieter tone. He blushed, but you could see that he was getting hard at the idea. Smirking, you gently ran a finger down his bulge, making him groan.

"What's your name, ma'am?" he asked to get his mind off his arousal. You told him your name was (y/n) & continued making him flustered. Eventually, you leaned up to kiss him, his chapped lips having an odd, bland flavor to them. He surprised you by deepening the kiss, sliding his tongue in. He tasted like stale booze & minty parsley, making your head spin.

Eventually, you got down on your knees & pulled down his pants just enough for his penis to get out. It was rather large, something that made you more impressed given his age & build. Gently, you started licking the underside of his girth, making him cover his mouth in order to keep quite.

You took him into your mouth & started sucking, enjoying the salty taste of his precum. He started pushing you down onto him more, causing his twitching phallus to go down your throat. You moaned softly, pressing your nose into his pubic bone.

"Damn, I might have to dump Esmè for you. But, I really need my identity to be a secret." Olaf moaned right before he released in your mouth. You gladly swallowed every last drop, smiling up at him with a satisfied smile. Standing up, you made your way around the counter & to the door.

"I was never here." you said, giving him a wink before leaving.


	8. The hella cute patient

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know your new doctor's true identity, & he knows he wants you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another non-con chapter, beware!

You were recently admitted to a hospital to have your left foot amputated. It had rotted due to an infection, you had to wait for the doctors to get your antibiotics. In the meantime, you now had a prosthetic. People didn't seem to pay much attention to your odd new foot because they were amazed at how adorable you were. For a woman in your 20s, you not only looked 18, but were just overall adorable. You had these big, shiny (e/c) eyes, super soft (h/c) hair, clear (s/c) skin, & the sweetest voice.

Today, you were told that you'd be getting a new doctor to take care of you since your doctor died in a car crash on the way from home. You hoped your new doctor would be as gentle & sweet as your old one. Mattathias Medicalschool was the name of your new doctor, a rather odd name. You patiently waited for his arrival because it was time for your training. Walking with a prosthetic foot that didn't move at all was a bit difficult, so you had to be taught how to deal with it.

"Hello. (Y/n), is it? I'm your new doctor." said a voice. You looked up to greet your new doctor until you saw his face. You'd easily recognize those icy eyes & those nasty teeth anywhere. This was NOT a doctor at all.

"You're that villain. You're Count Olaf! You're not my doctor!" you yelled. He merely laughed at your panic, locking the door before striding up to your bed. You tried to scoot closer to the wall, but he grabbed your modified ankle.

"Ah, you really DID have your foot amputated. Well, that still doesn't change the fact that you're so damn cute. Tell me, sweetie, are you a virgin?" he asked, a predatory gleam in his eyes.

He started sliding a hand up your hospital gown, fingers gracing over your skin. He slid a gloved finger inside your pussy, making you cry out. He seemed to get more excited to know that you'd never even been touched like this. Raising up your gown, he pulled your underwear off in mere seconds.

He chuckled darkly as he pulled down his own pants, pulling you closer to him. You felt his hardened phallus twitch against your thigh, making you feel sick. You looked down to see a long, veiny cock pulsing with arousal. Olaf started pressing the head into you to tease you. The head alone was too big, making your colors drain. He suddenly sheathed himself inside you, making you cry.

"GET OUT, BASTARD!" you screamed as your virginity was forcefully taken. He covered your mouth as he rammed into you, grunting with each thrust. He started going too fast for you to make any noises, so you just let your tears fall.

"That's it, give in like a good slut. Now, take all that I give you, my pet." he said. You didn't want him to impregnate you, so you started squirming. He flipped you over on your belly, holding your hands behind your back with one hand & pushing your face into the bed with the other. He had you apprehended.

Suddenly, he gave a very hard thrust forward, pushing into you as he came. You felt sick as his cum started squirting out of you. He stayed in you until all his semen was pumped into you. When he pulled out, cum was seeping out of your abused hole. You kept crying as he sighed in content.

"Such a good pet, taking a massive creaming." he chuckled in your ear before kissing you. Olaf slid his tongue into your mouth, nearly putting it down your throat. When he pulled away, you vomited a little.

You felt a hand stroking your hair & his lips landed on the side of your head. He walked away only to get a rag & cleaned himself before cleaning you with the SAME rag. He had a sinister smile when your eyes met, making you flinch.

"Don't worry, pet, I'm not leaving the hospital anytime soon. I'll let you rest before giving you some antibiotics. If I'm gonna be your doctor, I'll have to do SOMETHING that a normal doctor would do." Olaf laughed as he left the room. You felt so broken, so betrayed, & so sick.

You definitely weren't gonna be able to get out of this situation without dying. You didn't wanna die like this, not after a villain raped you. You wanted to go home, you wanted your kind roommate to sooth your nerves. Eventually, you fell asleep, unaware of the other fake doctor who had heard everything & checked on you. He was upset that he couldn't help you.

"Come on, Sunny, we need to find Violet. We probably can't help (y/n), not when she's in this condition." he said before leaving.


	9. Clowning around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The count gets really tipsy & weird when he's drunk.

You had been a member of Olaf's acting troupe for a year, you mainly took care of everyone else. Whether it be a paper cut or someone got sick, you were more of a nurse than an actress. That being said, you all had celebrated at the carnival because you were finally gonna get some answers. However, during the celebration, Olaf had a bit too much to drink. He couldn't walk without collapsing & he almost didn't make it to the trash can to puke.

"(Y/n), I'm fine! Lemme rest *hic*." Olaf said as he flopped down on a couch. You tried to get him back up so he could have a proper sleep on a bed. He only groaned in response & just sat there. You offered him some water to help with his hangover, but he genuinely refused.

"Olaf, sweetie, that hangover is gonna bite back in the morning." you tried to gently coax him. He groaned again & rubbed his face, trying to not fall asleep. You ran your hand through his hair & leaned a little closer. He eventually gave in & took a sip of water.

"There you go, darling. Now, let's get you to a bed." you said as you helped him up. You found it cute when he used you for support so he wouldn't tumble again. Holding your hand, he followed you to the bed, allowing you to take his shoes off for him.

You kissed his cheek & were about to tuck him in until he tried to drag you into bed. He looked up at you with the cutest puppy eyes you'd ever seen on a person. Leaning over, you asked him what he needed.

"Please sleep with me, I don't wanna be alone. Especially without you. You always take care of me & you deal with my bullshit." he whined. You laughed at his behavior & couldn't help but kiss his forehead. He tugged you down & you ended up kissing his lips. A blush quickly spread across your face, your confusion rendering you useless.

You had a crush on him for a long time, but never thought this would happen. He sat up & pulled you into his lap, kissing you again. You couldn't hold back & deepened the kiss, tasting the wine on his lips.

"Oh, Olaf, you have no idea how much I've wanted to kiss you." you whispered. He looked into your eyes, shocked at your response. It seemed he was impressed with your calm manner about being kissed by your crush. You kept smiling at him, hoping he'd at least cuddle you.

"Fuck it." he grunted before taking his clothes off. You were surprised by how unbelievably attractive he was, he was more beautiful than you originally thought. Then, he began taking your clothes off, tossing them to the side. Once you were both naked, he spread your legs & licked your clit, eventually sucking on it.

"Ah~!" you cried, overthrown with pleasure. Soon, his mouth was replaced by his big dick. He was rather sloppy, probably due to him still being drunk. At that point, though, you didn't care anymore. Spreading your legs further, you kept screaming his name as your climax approached quickly.

You came together, sweat mingling as heavy panting filled the room. Your head started spinning as Olaf's thick cum started leaking out of you. You now felt like you were drunk, but off of ecstasy rather than a beverage.

Eventually, you both fell asleep, still naked. Olaf spooning your sleepy body throughout the night. He even nuzzled your neck as he fell into a deep sleep. You felt very happy, sleeping with a smile on your face.

Morning came, making you stir. You looked over your shoulder & smiled when you saw that Olaf was still there. He was so peaceful when he was asleep, his tiny puffs of breath tickling your skin. Soon enough, he woke up. He seemed to notice that he was cuddling you & that you were both naked.

"Did we... have sex last night?" he asked, becoming a bit embarrassed. You nodded & told him that he practically bred you while plastered. You felt a little sad that he probably regretted it, but were surprised that he held you closer. 

"Cool." he said, his face in your neck. He gently fondled your breasts before helping you get ready. As you walked out of the tent, Fernald was giving you a concerned look.

"I swear I won't tell anyone, but please make sure everyone else is asleep before doing each other." he said before walking off. You & Olaf looked at each other with an expression of cringe covering your faces.


	10. Totally normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're in charge of rental submarines today, what could go wrong?

You were put in charge of the rental submarines for the day because your coworker had called in sick. It was a boring job, but it was all you could do. While waiting for customers, you saw a small family approaching. Why would a family want to rent a submarine? But as they got closer, you recognized them. This was the infamous Count Olaf with Esmè, Carmelita, & one of his henchmen.

"Hello, ma'am! We're just a normal, happy family on vacation & would like to rent a submarine." Olaf said, hoping his disguise would work on you. But you were much smarter than that.

"I suggest you take your allies & leave, Olaf. I know that it was Jacques Snicket who was killed & you tried to blame the Baudelaires for it. Get lost, pesky delinquent-minded cunt." you hissed. Esmé was quick to cover Carmelita's ears at your choice of words.

You went back into your little station where the phone was, ready to dial 911. Just as you were about to press the last number, someone's hand slammed yours back to the phone's hook. You looked up to see Olaf towering over you, his presence intimidating yet his eyes filled with amusement.

"Feisty, aren't you? That was a bit rude to say, & I'M the one saying this!" he chuckled. He gently caressed your face, but held a sinister smirk. This made you uncomfortable, he was planning something.

"Get out." you tried to sound intimidating, but it was obvious that you were scared. His eyes bore into yours as he walked to the door. He didn't leave, however, he only locked the door.

"Sweetie, you act like I'm gonna kill you. No, I like women like you, you have fire in your heart. Not afraid to yell & assert your dominance, even in front of children. So, I'll make a deal, a little trade; you give me the submarine if I can make you moan." he said, passion laced the words of his deal.

"I don't see how I'm gaining anything I want." you sneered, hoping he'd give up when he notices that his deal failed. He merely walked to a small drawer, taking out something you never expected your colleague to hide in his workspace. It was an adult magazine, a slightly classic "playboy" issue.

He started looking through it, a smirk creeping onto his face. You were ready to just punch him until he spoke up about a woman who looked a bit like you. He showed you the picture of the woman in the erotic magazine, making you gasp. She had the same hair & facial structure as you, something you never expected.

"She's some true eye candy, just look at that chest. I wonder what yours looks like, dear." he said, not bothering to look back up from the picture. You noticed a bulge in his pants, indicating he was enjoying it. He eventually put the magazine back in the drawer & came up behind you, cupping your boobs.

You started breathing heavily as he undid your button down shirt & slipped your bra up, making your boobs pop out the bottom. He started fondling them, eventually coming around front to suck on them. He grunted while your nipple was in his mouth.

"You have a gorgeous body, my pet. Let me..." he didn't finish his sentence before taking off your clothes. He started licking your vagina with vigor, causing you to force back a moan. He noticed this & stood up, pulling his pants down.

"Let's see if you can make me do anything. Use your mouth, my dear pet." he whispered seductively while holding his shirt up so you could get a better look at his phallus. It twitched rhythmically, beckoning you to get on your knees.

You took him into your mouth, using your tongue to collect the tiny bit of precum in his slit. Sucking him down your throat, you looked up at him & noticed he seemed impressed. He smiled a bit & patted you on the head before shoving himself deeper so his semen could run down your throat.

He picked you up & slammed his still hard dick into your aching, wet pussy. You clenched the work desk as he got rough quickly. You started whimpering as he surprised you with his stamina. You almost came just by hearing his grunts.

"Olaf, go deeper! Please fuck me!" you moaned out, hoping it wasn't too loud. He chuckled & started shoving himself as deep as possible, making your climax crash onto you like a ton of bricks. It only took a few more seconds before Olaf released his hot load into you. He pulled out when he was done & redressed.

He was getting ready to leave when you realized that you completed the deal. He looked through the submarine keys, looking for a specific one. He even asked you which one was the key to the submarine that was reserved for Esmé. You got up, confused about the reservation until you looked at the work list.

"Oh, I had no idea there was one reserved for you already. Sorry about that. The key you're looking for is key #8 on the third row." you said. He quickly found the key & took it off its hook, preparing to leave.

"Will I see you again, Olaf? I actually wouldn't mind hooking up." you said, a bit embarrassed. He laughed at how desperate you sounded, like a begging dog.

"You're a harlot, but I guess you're my harlot, sweet pet. I'll try to visit again, I promise." he said with a surprisingly sweet smile. You gave him your phone number & bid him farewell.


	11. So very lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An alternative to chapter 7

Being the way that you are, you liked hitting on cute guys at the bar. You were only a guest to the village, but were infamous for flirting. Your cute attitude, your playful demeanor, & your adorable facial features were remembered by all. You rarely saw anyone at the bar, so you weren't here THAT often, but often enough to gain attention. As you were getting ready to walk to the village from your house, you saw a familiar car pass by. It was Count Olaf's car, most likely also carrying his troupe. You couldn't help but admire the psychopath, especially since he's so attractive.

When you arrived at the village of fowl devotees, you noticed that it looked like their bar was back in business. Since you hadn't had alcohol since your 21st birthday, you decided a white Russian would be nice. As you walked in, however, your eyes landed on one of the lousiest disguises ever.

Count Olaf was dressed as a bartender with an oversized jacket & a fake red beard. But, you were actually a bit thirsty, so you sat down & ordered a white Russian. To your surprise, he knew how to make one.

"Thank you, Olaf. You know, I saw your car drive past my house earlier. Is your troupe & girlfriend here?" you said after taking a sip. He paused, surprised that you were so calm about it. He took off his fake beard & hat to set them down.

"I'm actually glad you're ok with me being here. Tell me, what's your name?" he said with a smile. You giggled, told him your name, & chatted with him while you drank. However, you soon felt tipsy even though you only had one drink.

"You know, I could give you a little something special for being so nice. We could totally hook up." you said without thinking. You mentally slapped yourself because you figured he'd kick you out. To your surprise, he kissed you gently on the lips.

He chuckled about how he'd finally get some action before he died, his laughter making you wet. You couldn't help but to undo his pants & slide your hand down. As you toyed with him, he slipped a hand under your skirt & pulled off your panties. He removed your hand from his pants so he could start fucking you.

"Try not to scream, darling, there's people outside." Olaf chuckled in your ear. You sighed in content as he started thrusting into you. It didn't take long for him to pick up speed, having to bite your neck to keep himself quiet.

Finally, you both came at the same time, his abdomen pulsed as he emptied himself. His warm, thick cum dripped out of you & onto the floor. You wanted more, but knew that you should go home instead. He helped clean you up & get dressed again.

"Now THAT is what I call a white Russian, & I'm not even Russian." he joked. You waved goodbyes as you clumsily walked back home, the pain in your vagina being a souvenir of getting it on with a villain.


	12. Bonus chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be shorter, but you meet the real Al Funcoot.

You were always fascinated by theatrical plays & stage performances. When you heard about a new play, you couldn't help but hurry to find out when it would happen. However, there was something about the name of the playwright that confused you. As someone who has heard of many playwrights, famous & not so famous, you'd never heard of Al Funcoot. Perhaps he was new, you couldn't think of anything else as to why you've never heard of him.

Making your way to the backstage area before the play began, you wanted to meet Al in order to know if he had written anything previously. You run into Count Olaf, the main actor & asked him if he knew anything about Al Funcoot.

"Well, dear lady, I could take you to my dressing room. He's in there, organizing script details." he said. You were a bit confused, but followed him nonetheless. When you entered his dressing room, however, no one was in there.

"Maybe he finished before I came here?" you asked, slightly disappointed. Suddenly, Olaf sat down & held you close, cuddling you. Your confusion grew as he began flirting with you.

"Dear, I know we just met, but you're so cute." he cooed. Your face turned red as he kissed your cheek, making you try to find a reason why he even brought you back here. That's when you realized that he WAS Al Funcoot. He just rearranged the letters of his name.

"You're Al Funcoot?!" you almost yelled. He nodded before sliding a hand down your legs & unbuttoned your pants. You gasped when he got up & made you sit on the chair. He pulled your pants down along with your panties.

Olaf started eating you out as if he hadn't eaten all day. You groaned, spreading your legs farther unconsciously. He took this as an invitation to stick his tongue in, lavishing in your taste. He then looked towards the wristwatch you had on your left wrist & stopped.

"Goodness, the show's about to begin!" he seemed a bit panicked. You quickly redressed & Olaf wiped his mouth on a nearby handkerchief, leaving the room together. You bid each other farewell & you could NEVER forget that erotic moment.


	13. Bonus chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is Yessica Haircut?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't care if security cameras weren't around back then, they're canon in this story.

Working as the security guard for the day shift at the bank was a bit boring, but you got to watch weirdos from a distance. However, someone caught your eye. This man was coming around the side of the building, stealing clothes & accessories from people, seemingly making a disguise. Why would he do that? But soon enough, he entered the bank, making you focus on him.

He seemed suspicious, albeit cute. When you saw him getting ready to leave Mr. Poe's office, you made your way from your security office & snagged him to the side. Taking him to your security office, you made him sit down.

"Who are you?" you asked, eyeing him. He was obviously confused, but answered anyway.

"I'm Yessica Haircut. Nice to meet you m'lady." he tried to seem polite. You could tell he was hiding something, you just couldn't tell what.

"That doesn't sound like a legit name to me." you tried to seem threatening, hoping to scare him. He only smiled, making you blush.

"I'll tell you my real name if you let me hook up, sugar tits." he winked. Your mouth went dry, but you really wanted this. Why?! You didn't even know him! But, you nodded.

He happily pinned you to your monitor, scooting the keyboard out of the way. As he leaned down to kiss you, you started taking his jacket off. He took off his hat & sunglasses, revealing gorgeous icy blue eyes. You smiled nervously as he undressed your bottom half.

Cringing, you watched as he pulled his dick out. It was already hard & veiny, pulsing with arousal. You braced yourself as he slid into you, stretching your tight walls. This went from being dirty to something sweet when he went easy on you, kissing you to take your mind off the pain. He held you so gently, making sure you were comfortable.

"You're a gentleman." you whispered. He chuckled, speeding up a bit. You were soon softly moaning as you were reaching your release. He was getting close too, his movements becoming erratic. You clenched onto him as your climax rushed through your body, milking him.

"I'm gonna..." he didn't finish his sentence before he filled you up with a hot load. He pulled out after a few seconds & helped you get dressed. Then, as promised, he gave you his real name.

"My name is Count Olaf."


End file.
